The official blog of Susan Landis-Steward, writer of whatever she likes, and co-founder of Puddletown Publishing Group

Archive for January, 2009

Lisa sorta hinted…..

…..that she wanted me to do her like I did Roxie. So, even if she didn’t mean it, here goes.  I met Lisa in Chrysalis when she was about 12. She’s only 14 now. One of the reasons I hate Lisa is that she looks like she’s maybe 25. Certainly not 42 or 43. I’d pick one but I’d pick wrong and then she’d be sarcastic and I’d cry.

Random things about Lisa:

  1. She thinks Roxie can knit her a dog. Out of five measly dog hairs.
  2. She used to be a race car driver. She rolled her car one time too many, methinks.
  3. She is now a landscaper and writer.
  4. Lisa has a demonstration garden in her backyard. So I guess she can deduct her backyard from her taxes? Bet her accountant loves that one.
  5. Lisa is my evil twin.
  6. Despite what Lisa says, I am the good twin.
  7. Lisa blogs at the Tao of Webfoot. There’s a link over there ———->
  8. Lisa is ALMOST as funny as I am, but not nearly as memorable. Just ask our friend Elisabeth.
  9. Lisa is married to a guy named Bob. He’s crazy but in a different way.
  10. Lisa got married in her sister’s backyard, got drunk, and sang Thunder Road with the band. It was hysterical.
  11. Lisa drinks hot chocolate with peppermint schnappes on camping trips in the middle of freaking winter. I know. I was there.
  12. Lisa once told a very impressionable Jenny that we should evacuate our home because the house was surrounded by water. That is one reason I hate Lisa.
  13. Cats. Lots of cats. Check her blog…..it’s full of cat pictures. I, on the other hand, have only picture of my dog and NONE of my cat. I hate my cat.
  14. Lisa is in my writing group, my knitting group, and now she goes to my church. I think she’s following me.
  15. I want to be Lisa. Only gay.
  16. Lisa is fool enough to say yes to organizing her 25th high school reunion.
  17. Lisa has some pretty cool friends, not the least of which is me.
  18. Lisa’s garden is magnificent. I want one like it. Except I don’t want to have to weed it and I live in a swamp.
  19. Lisa writes about stock car racing for the YA audience. Her books are great. She really captures teens. Maybe because she really is one.
  20. Lisa is going to find something weird in this post and bitch about it. Just watch the comments.
  21. Lisa even makes little animated things with her cats in them. She is so weird.
  22. This girl is definitely one to have with you if you need to move, visit and amuse a sick friend, or want someone to steal your friends away…..
  23. Buy her a beer. I think she likes Moose Drool.
  24. Lisa is a great writer. I have to admit it. Even though I’d like to say otherwise.
  25. Lisa is….well, Lisa. Unique in all the world. Trust me. (using unique in it’s form that means weird!)
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Quote of the day

e. e. cummings does it with miniscules.

-Roxie

Sounds sort of kinky. Also perverted and illegal…….

Some days….

are just too exhausting. A dear friend is in the hospital with a heart virus, something that shouldn’t happen to anyone, let alone anyone who is younger than me. It may be that she is faking to get out of being the parent of a teenage girl for a bit, but I doubt it. I visited today and she really does seem sick. Besides, as teenage girls go, her daughter isn’t half-bad. I know. I raised three of the critters.

Besides, she is really sick. Really. Another friend, Lisa, went with me and Lisa and I always misbehave. Liz laughed at us, and actually admitted to knowing us so she must be getting better. She could have just done the blank stare and pretended we weren’t there.  I am cautiously optimistic. The nurse, aka the manservant, asked us to hang around to keep Liz in bed as she keeps trying to make a run for it. She’s on lots of funny drugs so she forgets that she is hooked up to most of the plastic tubing in the Pacific Northwest. Good thing Lisa is a big strong ex-race car driver. She had to do some serious man-handling at times.

On top of this trauma, I am busy writing a sermon. Well, I’m not writing it yet. But I am actively thinking about it which wears out my brain-injured grey matter causing a different kind of exhaustion.  And today was writer’s group. I’m leading up to a sex scene and my friend Pat knows she will have to read it to the group. (It’s a devil’s bargain, of sorts) So she stopped me short of the scene.

Then Lisa and I made the beloved Jenny go out to dinner with us as punishment for not making us food. We had to recount the entire hospital scene which was tiring. And didn’t get home until past nine.

A busy day. And not one moment spent in gainful employment which means my page count for tomorrow just went up to 150 pages. Which is a lot.

Also, I’ve just been directed to make sure I stay on my own side of the bed tonight. It’s not that I don’t share, I just take my half out of the middle. She really should get over that. But apparently I drove her out of bed last night, onto the couch, and she’s not happy.

So, that’s my day. How was yours?

And the Winner Is…..Roxie

I met Roxie years ago when I first entered the world of Chrysalis, our local women’s writing community. I actually heard about her before I met her.  Here I was, a stranger, and all these women were babbling about Roxie. I had no idea who Roxie was, but I did know, almost immediately, that she had an AGENT! In the writing world, this is big.

A week later, I met her. I was prepared to be intimidated by anyone with an agent and in came Roxie with her knitting! Knitting? Knitting I knew, knitting didn’t intimidate me. And Roxie is a knitter. One of our first conversations revolved around the realities of sock knitting. There is a problem many sock knitters face: the second sock. Until I learned to knit both at one time, I had a bunch of first socks and few, if any, second socks. Roxie reassured me that this was normal and that it was perfectly all right to wear mismatched socks, a lesson I needed to learn.

Random Things about Roxie:

  1. Roxie and I went to the same school, Oregon Episcopal School, but not at the same time.
  2. Roxie and the beloved Jenny went to the same college, Lewis and Clark, but not at the same time.
  3. Roxie is a master knitter and this has become my new knitting goal. I knit like crap, just as a way to use up the yarn I spin. Now I want to be a Master Knitter and Roxie is going to mentor me.
  4. Roxie is the original “hostess with the mostest.” The spreads she lays on for our monthly knitting get-together are a sight to behold.  The bar is set so high that the rest of us just serve Grandma’s cookies when it’s our turn to host. Paper plates, kool-aid. There is no point in even trying to attain the perfection of Roxie’s tea parties.
  5. She is one of the few folks I know who looks GREAT in hats. Even weird ones with pointy things.
  6. Sanna the Sorceress is Roxie’s creation and the books are wonderful. You can get them at Amazon if you don’t live in Portland. You can also, I think, get them at Abundant Yarns (LYS) if you are in a Portland.
  7. I tend to talk a lot in writer’s group and Roxie once yelled at me to shut up. I did.
  8. In addition to knitting fabulous things for herself, the girl knits for charity. She has been known to give strangers the gloves off her hands.
  9. Roxie is married to some guy she calls DH in her blog. His real name is Kyle.
  10. Roxie mostly writes fiction but she dabbles in poetry. However, being Roxie, she doesn’t do just any old kind of poetry. She finds new forms. Forms never heard of before. Like pantoums. No, not pantaloons although given a chance she will write about pantaloons. Maybe in a pantoum. And maybe she’ll call them bloomers.
  11. Roxie writes heterosexual sex scenes that take your head off……and I write lesbian scenes that border on porn so I should know.
  12. Roxie is tall, elegant, and makes grand entrances.
  13. She is also humble and welcoming and funny.
  14. Roxie must be a princess because her mother is an empress.
  15. Roxie has grey hair and I love grey hair.
  16. Her command of the English language is phenomenal. She uses words that delight and amuse, all in YA fantasy novels.
  17. Well, and there is that Western erotica but we won’t mention that.
  18. Roxie used to be a professional weaver. How cool is that?
  19. Roxie collects china cups and saucers. Send her one……
  20. Roxie is a master at the double entendre……she makes me laugh…a lot!
  21. Roxie’s blog is in my blog roll….Sanna’s Bag……check it out. She even puts pictures, something I’d do if I could keep track of the camera.
  22. Cats. Lots of cats.
  23. Despite her elegance and elan, bawdy is also a word that comes to mind.
  24. She would have made a great dance hall girl…probably a madam
  25. Roxie is a force to be reckoned with, a tour de force, a force of nature, and may the Force be with her.

Comment Contest

The first person to post on the 25 Random Things gets a free blog post. All about them. Wonder what I have to say about YOU?

25 Random Things

  1. I have no idea how to put a Facebook link in a blog post and need Lisa to help me.
  2. Cavalier King Charles Spaniels are the only dog allowed in the British Parliament by order of Cavalier King Charles who is dead but the rule lives on.
  3. My daughter is in Peru right now. So is her husband. He is Peruvian which sort of explains why they are in Peru.
  4. I am two degrees of separation from several presidents and three degrees away from Barack Obama. I am one degree of separation away from Sally Struthers which puts me two away from a whole bunch of movie stars. However, I am not impressed with myself. I just need to put 25 random things down and those came to mind.
  5. My uncle had mafia connections. As in the Rat Pack. Really. It’s true. Just ask my sisters. OH! That puts me two degrees away from Sinatra and Sammy Davis, Jr.!
  6. I write mysteries. The current one has the mafia in it. Also theology, sex, politics, lesbians, and guns. Did I mention sex?
  7. St. Paul was a feminist in his day. I know. Hard to believe. But true. Live with it.
  8. So was Mohammed. Really. And virgins may actually be olives…..
  9. Paraguay is a country in South America. I almost forgot that.
  10. Maize.  In elementary school social studies, the answer was almost always maize.
  11. That was before 42 was the answer.
  12. Madeleine L’Engle’s A Wrinkle in Time was rejected several dozen times over close to a decade.
  13. Then it won the Newberry Medal.
  14. It snowed in Portland today. I drove anyway because it was just pretend snow. The kind that happens when it’s 40 degrees out.
  15. I used to be a real live hippy. I’m still real and still alive. But I had kids and sort of grew up. Sort of.
  16. My daughter calls me her pothead mom because I smoked pot recently to see if it helped with the pain. It did. But I forgot how to smoke and choked. Not a nice experience.
  17. If I would agree to live in the car with her,  Good Dog Gwynth thinks that would be a very good thing. She loves the car almost as much as she loves Jenny.
  18. I have no idea how to spell my dog’s name. The Good Dog part I’m okay with. It’s the last part that baffles me. One n? Two n? Another y?
  19. When I was a kid I learned the vowels were a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes w and y. They don’t teach w and y as vowels anymore. But I’m sure that the w and/or y in my dog’s name are vowels. At least I’m pretty sure. I may be missing something. No, they have to be. Because all the other things are definitely consonants. And there has to be a vowel. That’s another rule that lives on. Unless you are from another dimension or something. And actually, the dog’s name has two syllables which means there needs to be ANOTHER vowel and I don’t think wy counts as two vowels. Where does the other one go? This is going to keep me awake tonight.
  20. Cows can be tipped over and I’d like to try it. Despite what people think, I’m not particularly fond of cows. Just because I gave one talk on cow piety…….Strange the things you get standing ovations for…..
  21. This is the 21st random thing tonight. Four more to go.
  22. I learned a lot of new stuff today. I believe you should learn at least one new thing every day. I’m set until mid-May, 2010.
  23. My favorite podcast is Cast On. It’s about knitting. It’s funny. It’s in Wales. It’s by a lesbian. These are a few of my favorite things. (Although I still love all the straight women in my life, too!)
  24. It really is time to go to bed because a friend is coming over at 10 am to work on a service we’re doing this Sunday. It’s on Sabbath and about Sabbath. I’m preaching. Look out! Heresy alert!
  25. I just learned how to knit a moebius strip. Now I’ll have to learn how to quit knitting it. But there is no real stopping point so it may go on for awhile.

Dang it!

Post comments! I wish there was a way to MAKE folks post comments. Like not you navigate away from this page without posting comments. Just because I’m an introvert who only pours her soul out on cyber-paper, doesn’t mean I’m not  a social being. Talk to me!

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