The official blog of Susan Landis-Steward, writer of whatever she likes, and co-founder of Puddletown Publishing Group

Football Redux


Two days ago I wasted time watching part of the Rose Bowl. I attended U of O so I sort of hoped the Ducks would win, but I don’t get football so in that sense I didn’t care. But I did learn (?) some new things about the game.

  • We need a larger TV. Apparently there were words at the bottom of the screen of our old 27″ television which showed things like the score, how many minutes were left in the quarter, and other important information. After I’d asked what quarter it was and how many minutes were left one time too many, Jenny pointed out that this information was readily available. I, however, being 58 with bad eyes, couldn’t see it. Nor could I see the ball. Hence, we need a new TV.
  • The dog thinks that Jenny yells because there are whole packs of wild wolves circling the backdoor. So everytime something happened (I have no idea what those things might have been as I couldn’t see the ball, the score, the clock, or what was going on) Jenny yelled, the dog woke up from her football stupor and looked hopefully out the back windows. No wolves. Just football. I’d prefer wolves. So would the dog.
  • Just when I thought I’d figured out the whole “1st in 10” thing, Jenny introduced the “1st in 15” thing which is just like the “1st in 10” thing except it includes a penalty. I didn’t recognize it as a penalty since no one hit anyone with a stick or got sent to a penalty box. I speak better hockey than I do football.
  • If your knees touch the ground, the play is over. Which begs the question, why do football players pray? And if they pray on the field is the game over?
  • If your knees, however, are on top of another player, and you put your arm over the goal line with the ball in it, it’s a touchdown even if the guy on the other team pushes it back. Unless, of course, you’re rooting for the other team. Then it’s a bad call by the ref.
  • Halftime is only important to me. I like cheerleaders. I like marching bands. What I don’t like is color commentary and instant replays. Which is what they had during halftime.
  • After the non-event of halftime, I left Jenny to her stupid game and took a nap. The Ducks lost. I’m sure the two were not related.
  • Sometimes when someone kicks the ball it’s called a conversion and it has one point. Sometimes when someone kicks the ball it’s called a field goal and has three points. Or maybe two. I’m not sure. Nor am I sure which is which.
  • I still don’t know what offsides is.
  • Instant replays are a thinly disguised way to hide the fact that a football game lasts for approximately 17 minutes but takes four hours to watch.
  • For further adventures in football see this
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Comments on: "Football Redux" (4)

  1. I’m with you and the dog. Wolves would be vastly more interesting. I just don’t get spectator sports unless they involve grace and beauty, like gymnastics, or muscular men in kilts and singlets on a hot summer day. But at the Higland Games, I really don’t pay much attention to the sport. Maybe, if football were played in the nude . . .

    Hooray for the creative days!

  2. Lisa Nowak said:

    I don’t get football, either. But I wish the Ducks had won.

  3. Okay, well this is scary because I’ve hated football all my life, but I’m starting to like it. Maybe this is like blue cheese which I thought was disgusting when I was a kid (why would anyone eat mold)?. For some mystical reason my taste buds changed (half of them probably had died from abuse), and I now like blue cheese.
    I think the strange tolerance, even “Like” for football has come about because messages pop up on the field. It looks like it’s painted on the field but its the trickery of digital cameras. Now I know what down it is, and how many yards.

    We even went to the fancy pants Cowboy stadium when we were in Dallas and watched a game. Don’t feel bad and don’t blame your eyes. I never knew who was carrying the ball. If they’d make the darn thing flourescent orange I might be able to keep track of it.

    I concluded that it was a giant boost to the economy whoever wins. So go team!!

  4. Lisa Nowak said:

    Barb, you are spot on about the taste buds. That’s exactly what happens. We lose some of our sense of taste as we age, so we like different things than when we were young.

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