The official blog of Susan Landis-Steward, writer of whatever she likes, and co-founder of Puddletown Publishing Group

Today, I am a Thief!

That thing to your left, assuming you are facing the monitor and not doing something odd or impossible, is a synringa vulgaris. And it is mocking me.

I am married to a woman who thinks driving around exploring the countryside by tooling down rutted mud-filled roads in my car is fun. On one of her excursions, she found this lilac. The important thing about this lilac is the color. This picture, which is from wikimedia commons, does not do it justice.

The lilac she has been jonesing after for years is a deep dark cousin of this one. She’s tried to find it in nurseries, but it’s always disappointed her by being not-quite this color. They’ve all turned out to be, horrors, lavender.

So, she found this lilac, or one like it only darker, in one of her many excursions, and today, in the interest of distending my bladder just a bit further before taking me home, she had to go by and “visit” it.

The property it sits on is a) vacant and b) for sale. For $800,000. So I suggested she take cuttings. Aiding and abetting a crime is nowhere near as bad as committing it. So she pulled  MY car up so that MY window was right next to the damn thing and proceeded to coerce me into stealing branches off the lilac of her dreams. (Warning to all the lesbians out there: Never marry a butch wannabee.)

The evidence is now in a jar on top of the dishwasher waiting for us to go get rooting hormone. Mocking me, I say.

On the flip side, while searching for lilacs on wikimedia, I came across an entry for lilac-crowned Amazon. Thinking I’d find a Dianic goddess wearing nothing but a drooping crown of synringa vulgaris and a breastplate, I had to click. Instead, I found this.

That, my friends, is an Amazona finschi. Which has nothing to do with lilacs or Sapphic beauties. It’s just a parrot with a red forehead. And that’s what I learned today.

If you want to know more about lesbians and butch wannabees, you could read my book. Blind Leading the Blind, only $3.99 at Amazon and Barnes&Noble. Lesbians, mysteries, a blind woman, motorcycles, kids, horses, sex, belly dancers, what more could you want? (I didn’t say that. The parrot did.)

Buy the book! Squawk! Buy the book already! Written by a real-live thief! Squawk!

Comments on: "Today, I am a Thief!" (4)

  1. I don’t belong to wrdprss so it won’t let me like your post, but I do. I truely do! I am greatly impressed by the deft way you have inserted a plug for your book. Bravo!

  2. I agree with Roxie. That was book mention was smooth! Once you get your pretty lilac established, I want a cutting. I jones after the deep purple lilacs as well, but have only a pale wannabe here in my lawn. (My suburban lawn–I am not a townie regardless of your opinion!) And then my cutting will be legally gotten, not illegal gains like yours. Far be it from me to do anything illegal.

  3. Oh sure, Pat. Like piracy isn’t illegal? I have a deeper purple lilac in my back yard. Not quite as red as the picture (stolen from Wikipedia???) that anyone is welcome to take cuttings from. Beth

  4. Wouldn’t it have been easier all around to just pop for the $800,000 house? On the other hand, “The Lilac Thief” has a certain literary ring to it.

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