The official blog of Susan Landis-Steward, writer of whatever she likes, and co-founder of Puddletown Publishing Group

Posts tagged ‘my birthday’

25 (truly) Random Things About Pat

Well, FINALLY someone won the contest. My birth date is readily available both on my blog and on my Facebook page but NOBODY (except for the ineligible) was able to figure it out. Until tonight. Pat probably looked up my records in the church files but so what, she wins. So, tonight, my random fact generator goes to work on Pat.

  1. Pat is the leader of Chrysalis, the women’s writing community in Clackamas County. So I know she is already getting out her blue pencil to find all the errors in my grammar and punctuation. Fortunately, I spell fairly well.
  2. Pat used to be a pirate. Really. Well, at least that’s what the arrest warrants say.
  3. She was actually with Greenpeace and chained herself to whaling vessels. Odd way to make a living but not the oddest I’ve heard. The oddest was probably beheading chickens.
  4. I found out about Pat’s pirate past when she offered me the name of a good criminal attorney in Peru. I was just going to go meet my daughter’s inlaws, I was not planning any major heists or even small sprees. I was just going to Peru to see ruins, speak bad Spanglish, and drink Pisco Sours with my daughter and her husband’s family. So I thought the offer of a good criminal attorney was a very odd thing.
  5. Pat has had three books published, all on weird factoids about the natural world of the Pacific Northwest. It took years, but she finally got a royalty check.
  6. Pat has probably, almost certainly, touched a slug on purpose.
  7. However, she did not know that slugs in the Oneonta Gorge have no predators so they don’t make your tongue numb if you lick them. No, I have not done this.
  8. Pat has a 14 year old daughter who is busy reminding the whole world that she will get her driver’s permit very, very soon. Pat is in denial about this. She needs to get over it. Car mitzvah is the only truly American rite of passage for young people.
  9. Pat has written a truly amazing book, sort of an environmental thriller, but she has yet to get it ready to make the rounds. Of course, I should not talk about this as I am even further behind than she is.
  10. Pat is an atheist, or maybe an agnostic. One of the those ‘A’ words. But she is a Unitarian Universalist evangelist and that is truly weird. Even oxymoronic.
  11. Pat is also the office administrator of the church. Go figure.
  12. She spends most of her day putting one person (usually me, I’m sure) on hold while other people call her. It’s a busy church.
  13. Pat is also a freelance editor. She and I both find many scholarly books just too precious for words.
  14. Letterboxing is one of Pat’s odder pursuits. If you don’t know what this is, I would consider Google.
  15. She has placed several letterboxes. I know where some of them are.
  16. Pat is tall and thin. I am short and fat. When she gave a sermon on her life as a pirate, we wore pirate garb. We looked quite strange and made the real minister, who was in the audience, quite worried. Until we took the pirate stuff off. We were dressed, appropriately I’ll have you know.
  17. Pat is a knitter or a crocheter or one of those handy yarn crafts. She comes to knitting group anyway.
  18. She likes to hike and carouse out of doors. Not that kind of carousing. She has a kid, after all. In fact, she carouses with the kid, out of doors.
  19. Pat HATES it when people use the same words over and over again. Since English has fewer than 1,000,000 words (1,177 words exactly), and since some of us talk and write a lot, it would seem that we would have to use words over again. However, she has been known to take notes AND take names.
  20. Pat probably just started making up new words just to decrease the likelihood that I will use the same word too often.
  21. I’m willing to bet that Pat knows what the word “flummoxed” means.
  22. Pat is very good at keeping a waddle of wordsmiths under control every Wednesday. I made that “waddle of wordsmiths” up just now. But I did not make up any of the words. Maybe I should have said a wordle of wordsmiths…..see, a new word. Beat to you it, Pat.
  23. Pat is not a lesbian although I have tried to convince her otherwise. As punishment, she has to read all my lesbian sex scenes out loud to the group. They make her blush. That’s the whole point in writing them.
  24. Pat retaliates. She is very creative about it. Yes, she retaliates for those sex scenes.
  25. Pat does not yet have a cell phone although her daughter has slowly been wearing her down. Like water on rock. Betcha once that kid has a driver’s license, there will be cell phones involved.
  26. Bonus random thing. Pat is a Girl Scout leader and extorts cookie money from everyone she knows during cookie season. Last I heard, her troop had something like  $900 coming from cookies this years. Maybe she needs a good criminal attorney here. I think extortion is still a crime in this country unless you are rich and powerful. Then it’s expected. But Pat is not rich, and her power is not the kind I’m talking about. But, I have to admit, for a straight woman, she is one powerful woman.
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